My whole life I've heard and participated in this same conversation. Him: "don't worry about it, no one cares how clean the house is!" Her: "yes they care. Of course they care. You don't care."
At least this issue is named, now. The next task is to share the information - as you’re doing - and as more people recognise it, maybe we can start to adjust our own biases (and crucially, those of our children, so this shit show doesn’t keep rolling down through the next generations).
I had a conversation about this with my husband in the presence of a therapist some time ago. He felt that "good enough" was enough. She pointed out that it would be, if he lived alone. That because he lives with others, he has a responsibility to be a good partner and roommate.
He does try but he "doesn't see" what I see. Or at least that's what he claims, but maybe it's not truly that so much as he may see it but it doesn't register because it just doesn't matter to him and it has always mattered to me both because of who I am and because I'm a female conditioned to believe it's somehow a reflection on me.
This makes so much sense to me. I'm glad that Ruppanner delved deeper, because the previous research doesn't track. I notice this in all the women in my life, myself included, and we do sometimes talk about it. "Cleanliness = worth" is instilled in us from childhood, sadly.
I do have one mom friend who has told me that she is the only woman she knows that lives amidst the chaos and clutter without keeping up with it. She's okay with that, but she feels alone in the fact that she doesn't pressure herself to fit those standards, and the shame kicks in. But I think she's on the right track with liberating herself from those unfair expectations placed on women.
Am I the only one who feels stressed because I don't want to step on a toy and hurt my foot, attract ants into my home, or spend longer scrubbing plates that should have been rinsed and are now covered in dried Weetabix which sets like concrete? Shit needs to be clean, whether it's Janet's house or John's house.
You're not alone. I don't spray and wipe down the counter every night because I'm neurotic about cleaning or have OCD. I do it because, even if you can't see it, there is stuff on the counter that bugs can find. I tidy up regularly at the end of a day, not because company might come, but because I like to wake up to a tidy space. It reduces my stress levels.
THIS!!! I was having this conversation today, thank you for sharing!
I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way!
My whole life I've heard and participated in this same conversation. Him: "don't worry about it, no one cares how clean the house is!" Her: "yes they care. Of course they care. You don't care."
At least this issue is named, now. The next task is to share the information - as you’re doing - and as more people recognise it, maybe we can start to adjust our own biases (and crucially, those of our children, so this shit show doesn’t keep rolling down through the next generations).
I had a conversation about this with my husband in the presence of a therapist some time ago. He felt that "good enough" was enough. She pointed out that it would be, if he lived alone. That because he lives with others, he has a responsibility to be a good partner and roommate.
He does try but he "doesn't see" what I see. Or at least that's what he claims, but maybe it's not truly that so much as he may see it but it doesn't register because it just doesn't matter to him and it has always mattered to me both because of who I am and because I'm a female conditioned to believe it's somehow a reflection on me.
This makes so much sense to me. I'm glad that Ruppanner delved deeper, because the previous research doesn't track. I notice this in all the women in my life, myself included, and we do sometimes talk about it. "Cleanliness = worth" is instilled in us from childhood, sadly.
I do have one mom friend who has told me that she is the only woman she knows that lives amidst the chaos and clutter without keeping up with it. She's okay with that, but she feels alone in the fact that she doesn't pressure herself to fit those standards, and the shame kicks in. But I think she's on the right track with liberating herself from those unfair expectations placed on women.
Would you give the exact names of the studies?
Am I the only one who feels stressed because I don't want to step on a toy and hurt my foot, attract ants into my home, or spend longer scrubbing plates that should have been rinsed and are now covered in dried Weetabix which sets like concrete? Shit needs to be clean, whether it's Janet's house or John's house.
You're not alone. I don't spray and wipe down the counter every night because I'm neurotic about cleaning or have OCD. I do it because, even if you can't see it, there is stuff on the counter that bugs can find. I tidy up regularly at the end of a day, not because company might come, but because I like to wake up to a tidy space. It reduces my stress levels.